1.
Lie in bed together at the end of a long day with the lights on so you can clearly see the bulldog mascot on the collared polo shirt she wore in high school over two decades ago and so she can count the layers you're wearing (right down to your wool socks) and consider whether she has the energy to make it past the zipper on your hoodie. Tell her you like the Hooters shirt she's wearing. Argue with her when she tells you it's not a Hooters shirt. Point out that it's a high school shirt, so....Let your case rest.
2.
Ride the momentum of the "Hooters" discussion by reminding her that you had promised her a back rub. Dig your fingers unceremoniously into her scapula. Say, "I'm going to make your scapula feel like a million dollars." Wink at her as you slide your fingers over the thick cotton and wiggle them around the edges of her bone. Tell her, "I can feel your scapularus arius." Listen to her as she tells you, "That's pretty close." Feel slightly proud that your doctor girlfriend approves of what you thought were made-up anatomy words.
